What is Post Abortion Ministries?

Post abortion Ministry is a caring and supportive aid to the ones whose hearts have been broken by an abortion decision. It provides guidance in accepting reality, processing grief that has been buried under the surface of their emotions, and receiving the forgiveness for the abortion through Jesus Christ.

All psychological traumas have a residual effect but the effect can be minimized if the trauma is recognized as reality, accepted and worked through.
Well known author of  “ Focus on the Family” Dr. James Dobson, states “ The first step to mental health is the acceptance of reality”.

In this case, it is especially difficult for a woman who innately understands her role as nurturer to admit to her participation in the death of her unborn child. It is equally difficult for a man whose role is to protect and provide to admit his failure to do so in an abortion experience.

Ia 61:1  The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
Isa 61:2  To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
Isa 61:3  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

It is our responsibility as Brothers and Sisters in Christ to be available to those who are perishing in pain regarding their Post Abortion Experience.
Never to Judge, Never to second Guess, but to show them the freedom of forgiveness our Heavenly Father can give.

The Twelve Steps and Their Biblical Comparisons

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable. Rom 7:18 (ASV) For I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me, but to do that which is good is not. (KJVR) For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Php 2:13 (ASV) for it is God who worketh in you both to will and to work, for his good pleasure. (KJVR) For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

3. We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God. Rom 12:1 (ASV) I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. (KJVR) I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Lam 3:40 (ASV) Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to Jehovah. (KJVR) Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the LORD.

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Jas 5:16 (ASV) Confess therefore your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The supplication of a righteous man availeth much in its working. (KJVR) Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Jas 4:10 (ASV) Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall exalt you. (KJVR) Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. 1Jn 1:9 (ASV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (KJVR) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Luk 6:31 (ASV) And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. (KJVR) And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

9. We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Mat 5:23-24 (ASV) 23 If therefore thou art offering thy gift at the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee, 24 leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. (KJVR) 23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

10. We continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 1Co 10:12 (ASV) Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. (KJVR) Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out. Col 3:16 (ASV) Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts unto God. (KJVR) Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Gal 6:1 (ASV) Brethren, even if a man be overtaken in any trespass, ye who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; looking to thyself, lest thou also be tempted. (KJVR) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

The 8 Principles and the Beatitudes KJV

1. Realize I'm not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable. Mat 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover. Mat 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

3. Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control. Mat 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

4. Openly examine and confess my faults to God, to myself, and to someone I trust. Mat 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

5. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects. Mat 5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

6. Evaluate all my relationships; Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I've done to others except when to do so would harm them or others. Mat 5:7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Mat 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

7. Reserve a daily time with God for self examination, Bible readings and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will.

8. Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words. Mat 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

What is PAS?  Post Abortion Syndrome?

“ A woman doesn’t want an abortion like she wants an ice cream cone or Porsche, but like an animal caught in a trap who gnaws off its own leg” - Frederica Matthewes-Green Founder of Feminists for Life.

If you are here because you are the one who had the abortion, you know exactly what these words mean. Abortion is not a procedure most women undergo casually. It is something you are driven to in desperation, when the alternatives seem to awful to contemplate. Yet ironically, the very act meant to produce relief, in the long run , often produces its own special brand of agony. In this sense, too, the quote hits home.

Though the initial physical pain receded, the emotional pain of abortion lingers like the phantom pain of an amputated limb. To our hearts, this deep disturbing sense of unrest and regret is what is meant by the term, Post Abortion Syndrome or Stress ( PAS or PASS).

“ Disenfranchised Grief”

“ There is no social norm for dealing with an abortion. There are no hallmark cards for friends who have had an abortion, declaring either sympathy  or congratulations. We don’t send flowers. We don’t have ceremonies, either joyous or mournful. We have no social customs or rules of etiquette governing the acknowledgement of an abortion.
Instead we all try to ignore it.”

“ Grief after an abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society” -  Forbidden Grief by Theresa Burke

PAS is really a PSTD ( post traumatic syndrome)

“ an out of the ordinary, psychological traumatic event that is NOT OK to talk about” - Kathy Bernard, PHD

The inability to resolve the emotional conflicts following an abortion or

The chronic inability to:

• Process the thoughts and emotions about the pregnancy and subsequent abortion. (fear shame , anger, sadness, guilt)
• Grieve (or even name) the loss. Many can not even use the word “ abortion”
• Come to peace with self, God, baby and others.

Key Terms and Definitions

PTSD:
An out of ordinary, psychologically traumatic even that is NOT OK to talk about.

PAS:
The long-term and chronic manifestation of symptoms following the abortion, resulting from unresolved emotions in regard to three aspects of the abortion:

• The pregnancy and abortion itself- trauma        
• The loss resulting from the abortion
• The need for reconciliation in relationships affected by the abortion.

 

Symptoms:
Survivor guilt; re-experiencing the pain ( trauma) awake or asleep ( nightmares; pain,
cervical cramping etc; anger, depression, and anxiety; compulsive/self –destructive
behaviors such as eating disorders, alcohol, and drug abuse, sexual promiscuity;
avoidance or obsession with babies, children, pregnant women, baby showers, broken
primary relationships, trust issues, etc.

Grief:
Working through the loss of intimacy; deep sorrow, anguish, heartache, Affliction, regret

• Stages of Grief:
• Relief
• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Guilt
• Reconciliation
• Acceptance
• Helping Others

Causes of PAS/ How it develops/ How it Affects

Decisions:

• Crisis (unplanned)>Fear (hormones)> Confusion (Highly emotional state)
• Moral dilemma> More Confusion
• Pressure (Mom/Dad/Father of baby etc)> Solution (time factor)> Abortion
• (brief) Relief (usually) This last until you start to see things that trigger your abortion.Approx. 2 weeks.
• Moral dilemma resurfaces (reality hits home, triggers intensify).
• CHOICE: Seek help for pain and confusion or bury/avoid and deny. Defense mechanisms now show up.

Defenses (or coping strategies developed)

• Rationalization- excuses
• Compensation- become super busy
• Projection/Blame ( anger)- usually at the world, men and GOD.
• Repression- Keep it down and avoid things
• Denial- Separate emotions, the moral dilemma no longer exists
• Avoidance- keep going on avoiding all or any triggers.

I want to list some symptoms to look for in yourself or someone close to you who may be going through this. Know that the best thing you can do for yourself and or your friend is to validate their feelings.

Symptoms:

• Guilt
• Regret
• Shame
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anger
• Fear ( fear of the truth, or that God hates you or is punishing you them etc fear you will never be a good mom if your ever a mom. Etc)
• Nightmares
• Addictions
• Compulsive behaviors

Of course this is not a full list. Each person will grieve their loss in their own way.

 High risk for emotional stress following an abortion

Many women and men struggle with the very intense feelings after an abortion. Some common reactions are sadness, sorrow, regret, guilt, loneliness, fear , anxiety, depression, nightmares, anger and emptiness. If not dealt with, these emotions can have a destructive effect on a persons life and relationships. This is knows as PAS and is caused by the inability to deal with and resolve the emotional conflicts following an abortion.

Though ANY woman can have difficulties after and abortion; the following is a list of those at HIGH risk for emotional problems

• Forced or coerced- when you did not decide = Anger
• Teenager
• Moral or religious belief that abortion is wrong. Christians alone do not fall under this category.
• Married - Couples find it hard to justify their actions.
• Has had multiple abortions
• Previously carried a pregnancy to term- harder to go into denial
• Sexually abused or molested
• second trimester abortion ( past 12 weeks).
• Genetic or medical reasons for abortion ( may be mad at God or the Doctors who suggested abortion.)
• Anyone convinced the abortion must be a closely guarded secret .
• Extreme ambivalence over decision ( usually resulting from the natural desire to be a mother or maternal instinct)
• Selective reduction
• RU486 Pill

Anyone who has been a part of an abortion can suffer from PAS

Grief
Noun
1. Intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one (especially by death).
2. Something that causes great unhappiness; "her death was a great grief to John".

So we see grief is a noun…. It requires an action. Grief is working through the loss of intimacy. It is mental anguish, acute sorrow, mourning.This is our universal response to loss or death. It is the way God gives to cleanse and heal us from any trauma or loss in our lives. Grief is a process, with a beginning and an end. It involves feelings.
It is necessary for healing and growth.

Lets look at a biblical example of grief- Genesis 50: 1-3. 7-11

Gen 50:1  And Joseph fell upon his father's face, and wept upon him, and kissed him.
Gen 50:2  And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father: and the physicians embalmed Israel.
Gen 50:3  And forty days were fulfilled for him; for so are fulfilled the days of those which are embalmed: and the Egyptians mourned for him threescore and ten days.

Gen 50:7  And Joseph went up to bury his father: and with him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of his house, and all the elders of the land of Egypt,
Gen 50:8  And all the house of Joseph, and his brethren, and his father's house: only their little ones, and their flocks, and their herds, they left in the land of Goshen.
Gen 50:9  And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen: and it was a very great company.
Gen 50:10  And they came to the threshing floor of Atad, which is beyond Jordan, and there they mourned with a great and very sore lamentation: and he made a mourning for his father seven days.
Gen 50:11  And when the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites, saw the mourning in the floor of Atad, they said, This is a grievous mourning to the Egyptians: wherefore the name of it was called Abelmizraim, which is beyond Jordan.

As you can see even our ancestors had ways of mourning. They knew what God was teaching them. That submerged grief never goes away; it often surfaces as anger, depression, compulsive behaviors, and sometimes even physical ailments. The result of not grieving is: we are not free. Messy relationships. Pain to resolve grief, we have to mourn. To receive comfort, we have to mourn. It’s natural, by God’s design! We have to do the “work of grieving”. This is true of ANY loss. The “usual” emotional reaction following an abortion is immediate relief, followed by grief or denial. A woman may repress the fact that she was pregnant and may remain in this denial for months or even years until something triggers her to face the reality of her abortion. It could be another pregnancy (self or friend), the death of a loved one, the anniversary date of the abortion, the due date of the aborted child, a friend or relative pondering an abortion, or any other significant factor. The woman may then need to deal with her own abortion for short periods of time until she begins to feel uncomfortable, then she slips back into denial. Weeks or months later, when she is ready and secure, the woman may again think about it and deal with is a little more. Most women who have aborted have not resolved the reality of their abortion or forgiven themselves for what they have done. She just avoids it; but it takes a toll on her life an all those around her.

Women who have aborted become either “broken-hearted” or “Hard -hearted” over a period of years. For a woman to deal with her abortion takes time, sensitivity, patience and the knowledge that she is not alone. It also takes a lot of COURAGE. In order to heal, she must face and process the grief and the anger toward herself and others involved with her abortion.

Post abortive grief is not like any other grief in one main way. It is an unanticipated grief. Meaning you didn’t see it coming. You made the decision after all why the grief? Well pregnancy loss has very little support to begin with and a pregnancy loss is a part of you. Abortion typically has no support group. A woman can not cry for  a life that she does not believe existed, nor can she rid herself of guilt until she admits she is guilty.

Abortion is a sin and it’s an emotional trauma and a significant loss. We HAVE to deal with all three of these points to start the healing process.

It is up to the body of Christ to seek and be available to those who are prisoners of abortive pain.

Isa 61:1  The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
Isa 61:2  To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
Isa 61:3  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified

 

Men and Abortion

Many of us forget that men suffer with their decision to support an abortion just as much as we do. Fathers of aborted children struggle with PAS when

• The encouraged or supported the decision (pressured)
• She wanted the baby and He did not.
• They abandon her to make the decision alone, making it all her responsibility (this was Adams way out).
• They unsuccessfully oppose the decision. Tried to stop but couldn’t.  They tend to become devastated and shut down, won’t talk.
• They were excluded from the decision and had no say in it. Learn about it only after it happened.

Men’s Roles

• Five key instinctive areas:
• Procreate- Fathering a child brings to a boy/man to the door of manhood. (proud, continuation of lineage and family name)
• Provide- for family , this is central to a man.
• Protect- Keep family safe, important
• Perform- ( more sexual) job performance, successful at work.
• Pleasure- ( enjoy) More than sexual, enjoyment in mate, children and family.

Abortion may seriously damage or totally obliterate these key elements of manhood.

How does abortion hurt men?

• Ends the life of a developing baby in the mothers womb
• Ends the process of procreation, destroying the see of the man and woman thereby severing the lineage.
• Violates man’s 5 roles
• Alters our value for life. It is a statement of severe rejection.
• Affects a mans ability to trust himself, God, women and authority.
• Results in anger, causing problems in relations with women, children and others.
• Affects manhood- it can diminish one’s capacity as a father, husband, and man.
• Separates from God.

 Possible Consequences/symptoms

• Regret/sense of loss
• Guilt and shame
• Extreme anger
• Difficulty bonding with children or inability
• Trust issues
• Difficulty making decisions
• Fear on relationships/intimacy issues
• Avoidance behaviors/substance abuse ( addictive behavior) Sex addicts
• Self hatred
• Feelings of grief and helplessness
• Depression
• Fear of failure
• Sleeplessness
• Sexual dysfunction ( God is punishing ) impotent, which all can lead to pornography.
• Loneliness or numbness
• Self-imposed isolation
• Lack of confidence and general anxiety
• Poor coping skills
• A sense of lost manhood

Healing

• Accepting reality, taking responsibility and grieving the loss; no grief support for PA women even less for men ( very tough for men to deal with)
• Know that it is OK
• To grieve for your child that you will never hold. Necessary. Its ok to cry!
• To talk to someone. Counselor, pastor, someone you trust.
• To forgive yourself. This is essential

To give your child a name so it can be restored to dignity.